


13 Reasons Why Not

by starletprincecaydency



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rape in later chapter, Suicide Attempt, kidnapping in later chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-22 08:32:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12477544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starletprincecaydency/pseuds/starletprincecaydency
Summary: Original character Felix is in a relationship with Alex Standall, well after the suicide attempt of both boys. Felix has yet to endure the true power of the world, and has yet to see all of the reasons why he truly should avoid putting an end to his own life, which holds more meaning to others than he thinks or believes.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real fan-fiction, so please have some mercy on me. I tried to keep true to each character's personality as best as I could, and also worked hard to keep the nature of the show intact in the writing. 
> 
> P.S: The title of the story may very well change. I named it 13 Reasons Why not, but have been trying to think of other names as well. If you have any ideas, please leave them in the comments for me. Leave any constructive criticism there as well.

_Hi._ _My name is_ _Felix_ _, I’m 17 years old.. and I’m live and in stereo because I killed myself. The game is simple; listen and pass it along to the others. In this bag you will find_ _seven cassette tapes, along with my trusty ol’ walkman. You’ll have to provide your own headphones guys; sorry, but I doubt you want some other kid’s earwax in your own ears. Jokes aside.. These tapes each have two sides to them, one person per side. Take a seat, listen to them; grab a bite to eat and something to drink. Get.. comfortable, because this is the story of my life. As you finish the tapes, you’ll pass it along to the next person mentioned. So on and so forth, until you reach the end._ _Of course,_ _what happens at the end of the line is up to the last person. Should you decide to destroy these tapes, not pass them on, I have entrusted a second set to an undisclosed contact, who will very publicly display the contents of them; whatever they see fit. You’ll also find a map. If you want the entire experience of my life, I’ve circled all sorts of locations to visit throughout these tapes._

 

_The fuck was I thinking, speaking to you? You weren’t the worst, but you destroyed any chance I had at future friendships; it was a constant case of Stockholm Syndrome. You bullied me.. and I let you do it because I thought that was what high school was all about. After all, I was new to the scene of popularity and friendships. Someone had to teach me and show me the ropes.. right?_ _It all started with Monet’s; with you. If it hadn’t have been for your fucking gaze staring into mine across the floor, maybe I’d be talking about this to a therapy group instead of over tapes to a list of people who brought me to the decision to end my life._

 

All of a sudden, Alex’s hand found its way to my shoulder and I jumped out of my skin for a few seconds before looking back at him. He smiled before gazing into my eyes, running his hand over my masculine chest and then moving his hand to hold my cheek. “I know that look. You’re.. thinking about it again, aren’t you?” A reluctant nod showed his arms how to move, where to go.. and soon they were around my frame and holding me close to his own. “I know. I know how bad it was for you; I attempted it too, remember? The scar on my head.. and yours on your chest. I’m.. happy Tony’s boyfriend was there. He.. saved your life, Felix.”

 

A smile formed over my lips as I snuggled into his hold, taking in his freshly-showered scent; god, he smells so fucking good. “I know. He still insists even now that I shouldn’t do anything to repay him, but.. he helped me keep my life. I feel like I _have to_ , you know?” With a nod from Alex, he slowly walked away to grab the remote to the radio system in his room, turning on an old song that we both knew well; it was the song we had our first slow dance together just months ago at the Winter Formal. Right before I left the building for some fresh air and tried to kill myself. _The Night We Met by Lord Huron_.. I’ll never forget this song.

 

Alex came walking back to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me close in a slow-dancing position, a smile on his face. “You’re so silly. You think about it all so much; the tapes, the formal, that night.. but it’s okay.” A sway to the right, my weight now on top of his shoes. “You think about it all the time.. and that’s okay, because I’m right here with you for it all. When Sheri ran inside calling for me while on the phone with the 9-1-1 operators, all I saw was Brad holding his ripped up dress shirt over your head and a gun on the ground. The doctors were surprised you made any recovery at all, Felix; so was I. I think the moment I saw him holding your gunshot wound under his torn shirt, _that’s_ when I truly knew I couldn’t live without you.” We kept swaying to the music, Alex picking me up just a small amount to spin us around, smiling at me. “I can’t live without you. I’m glad you’re here.”

 

I looked into his eyes, kissing him on the lips for a brief moment before pulling myself back into a hug with him, resting my forehead against his chest; I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as the memories from that night ran through my head again. “Shh.. It’s okay. We’ll both get through it to-”

 

I started crumbling. My knees buckled and I moved to sit on the floor, now practically blubbering like an idiot and doing what the cool kids call an “ugly sob”, knees pulled up to my chest. Alex knelt in front of me, grabbing my cheeks and forcing me to look into his eyes. “Felix, look at me.” It took a moment. “ _Look at me._ ” I finally managed it, looking up into his eyes. “It’s okay. We’re going to get through this together. I promise you we will.” He could tell I was about to hyperventilate. “Deep breaths, Felix.” He started to help me time it. “In.” A few seconds. “Out.” A few more. Over and over, he did this.. and as usual, it was a mere couple of moments before I stopped crying, looking into his eyes with peace, resolve, and a calming warmth in my own. “There we go. That’s my Felix.” He smiled, kissing my forehead and taking my hand, making sure to lace our fingers together. “Together.”

 

This was my life now; my life with Alex. I transferred to the school in the middle of the new year, after some kid named Bryce had been removed to go to jail for.. something I’m still fuzzy on. This guy Clay and Alex both helped me start to fit in at school, but not before Jessica managed to get her hands on my life. She constantly told me how I wasn’t fitting in, how I never would; it hurt, but I put up with it because once again, I thought that was what high school was all about here at Liberty High. Of course, after the rumor Jessica spread that I kept physically and sexually abusing women was put to rest at long last, Clay and Alex saved the day and helped me through to this point today.

 

Clay.. That’s right. He’s visiting tonight. I had better help Alex get things straightened up around here. “You remember Clay is coming over, right?” Alex nodded his head and held my hands as we both rose to our feet, kissing my forehead. “Don’t worry. We’re still both here to help you; I promise.” I gave him a smile before putting some distance between us both, heading for his door. “I’m glad your parents set us up with this apartment and paid the rent for us too. We can just.. do what we want to here.”

 

All of a sudden, there was the ring of the doorbell, and my eyes looked back. “Oh. He’s.. early.” Alex smiled and put his hand on my shoulder, swaying a bit. “The place looks fine. I doubt he’ll care, Felix.” With that, he moved through a few rooms to the front door, greeting Clay and smiling, letting him in. “Hey Clay. How’s it going?”

 

Clay moved his feet after staring for just a few short seconds at Alex’s shirt, distracted by the patterns; somehow, it reminded him of Hannah. Going to sit on the couch after the invitation presented itself from Alex’s mouth, he nodded to them. “Things are okay. Mom’s been a little more laid-back this week than usual; I think something’s up, but I’m going with it.” His eyes moved to make contact with mine, giving me a thoughtful stare. “How are you doing, Felix?”

 

The question caught me off guard, leaving me speechless for a few seconds while I muddled over what to say. “Oh, I’m alright. I had a moment earlier, but Alex was there to help.. as usual.” _Curse my socially awkward self. That sounded so mean-spirited to Alex, but.. what else was I supposed to say?_ Moving to the kitchen to grab some drinks and snacks, I was stopped in my tracks after Clay asked a rather.. forward question. “Felix, can you tell me about the night of the Winter Formal?”

 

Alex scowled at him, clenching a fist and using his other hand to hold my shoulder. “Clay; have some consideration. You know he’s still sensitive about that.” As Clay was opening his mouth to apologize for the bluntness of his question, I shook my head at Alex and looked back at Clay. “It’s fine. I don’t mind talking about it. Honestly.. I never had the opportunity to tell Clay about it. Alex, would you go grab the drinks and snacks?” Alex gave a nod and headed off to the kitchen while I took my seat across from Clay in the recliner; its upholstery was still flawless even though it had been bought nearly six years ago.

 

“Well.. God. Where do I even start about that night?” That was all I had to say before honestly, my thoughts put my mouth on autopilot and started to do the talking for me.

 

_That night was a blast.. quite literally. I remember the dance with Alex, the big group we danced with earlier on in the night.. but that’s not even where it all starts._

 

_Justin had made an appearance to try and make amends with Jessica, which blew up in his face. I had gotten to know him over the weeks, and much to Alex’s disgust I let him hang with us that night, giving him a night of fun in the midst of all the chaos with his mother and constant rotation of boyfriends and hook-ups. Clay was there that night, with us, but.._ _when the slow dances all started, Alex and I drifted away from him to have it to ourselves._

 

_Tony, being the mastermind and savior that he naturally was, brought out the boombox. He put his own tape in, his favorite song and now mine as well –_ _**The Night We Met** _ _by_ _**Lord Huron** _ _. He gave me one of the best memories on that night that I could have hoped for, in the middle of all the shit that was my life at that very point. Between everything Zach and his group had done to me, Jessica, Mr. Porter.. even god damn Bryce once he’d been released from jail, all I wanted that night was to live it up. I wanted, for one night of my life, to just be happy; to be separated from all of those thoughts of death, destruction.. and to replace them with those of happiness. However, even Tony’s natural acts of kindness couldn’t keep them away. Alex’s arms, hands and natural rhythm couldn’t keep them away. The dance ended and I excused myself from Alex to go get some fresh air by myself, and he allowed me that. God damn Alex, always being the nice guy, didn’t push me on it; he just let me walk out of those double doors._

 

_My freshly-polished dress shoes finally hit the cement patio outside, my breath leaving my body. Beside me, I found Brad; I guess he’d sensed my distress and followed me. Fucking Christ, he’s like a bear and can sense fear, I guess. I kept my hands in my pockets, looking the other way and fighting off my tears for a moment to talk. “Your boyfriend didn’t follow you out?”  
_

_It was almost comical how I could be so nice to him before, but that one comment didn’t throw him off either. He always knew when to expect my ass-backwards phrases and questions, and he simply just gave me an airy laugh. “No. He doesn’t always push it; he knows when to leave me be. I gotta have my space too, you know?” I nodded. I understood. I understood because now it was me. “You’re always attached at the hip to Alex. What’s on your mind, kid?”_

 

_Kid? What did he think I was, fucking ten? I didn’t let it get the best of me, and simply just shrugged my shoulders in response, letting the cool breeze hit my face before shuddering a bit. “Nothing. I can’t have my own space from him too?” Brad laughed at me, nodding his head and smirking. “Alright Felix, you got me there.” I didn’t know what the hell I was doing anymore. This conversation.. it was coming to me so easily, but god damn; it just wasn’t helping keep the thoughts at bay. I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do to make it all stop._

 

_Brad had no time to react to what I was doing; my gun was in my left pocket where he was at my right. The barrel and the opening were at my temple,_ _head still turned the other way; my eyes were welling up with tears and spilling over too. I couldn’t believe I was finally at the point where I felt this was even necessary, but god damn it all if I didn’t want it all to stop. My finger pulled the trigger, and immediately Brad turned to look at me._

 

Alex had long since returned to my side, sitting on one of the arms of the recliner and holding my shoulders for comfort as I told my story. Well, told it up until my memory had begun to fade off. Of course, Alex inserted himself into the conversation to continue explaining things where he could recount them.

 

**Alex’s Point of View**

 

_I had been left with Justin while Clay had ventured off to the bathroom, presumably to splash his face full of water so he could avoid any further contact with the drunken fucks of the party. I decided to just stand and talk with him, acting like I was comfortable with his company, for the sake of letting him feel like someone gave a shit about him at this moment in time._

 

_Over the music, I heard someone yelling my name; they sounded distressed. Once I was clear that my name_ _**was** _ _being called out, I used it as an excuse to get away from Justin for a moment. I fought through the crowd and was met with Sheri, who was on the phone crying. “Sheri, what’s wrong?” She finished explaining things on the phone and brought it from her mouth to finally speak to me. “You need to go outside, now.” I was confused but did as suggested, and once my shoes hit the cement, I was in shock._

 

_All I saw was a gun on the patio, blood everywhere and the wound on Felix’s temple being pressed down on by Brad’s ripped up dress shirt, whose face was contorted with effort and distress. My feet could barely even move themselves before I fell to my knees, my hands nearly touching Felix’s limp body before Sheri stopped me. “Alex, stop; the ambulance is already on the way here. Let Brad handle it and try to stay calm, okay?” Her sobs interrupted her words, but it was clear that I needed to take her advice._

 

_Brad’s shirt was absorbing blood at a rapid amount and speed, and he was looking around and audibly begging the ambulance to get there sooner, lest Felix be met with death itself on the one night that should have mattered the most to me. “Felix, no; you’re not doing this to Alex tonight!”_

_It was nearly fifteen more minutes before the ambulance arrived, doing what they could to keep Felix alive while moving him into the back of the vehicle, and I jumped inside. It was causing a scene outside, enough that even Clay_ _stepped outside and_ _met my eyes for a split second before the doors to the ambulance had been shut._

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

My eyes looked up into Clay’s own, who had the epitome of awe and shock written all over his face. “Felix, I-” He cut himself off, visibly struggling to find words as he saw the tears welling up in my eyes again. “Felix, man.. No, don’t cry..” I shook my head at him and wiped my eyes clean and clear, sniffling before taking a breath. “It’s okay. The only way I’ll ever get past it is to talk about it.” Alex nodded to me, putting his cheek against mine as he sat beside me. He turned my head so that I was looking into his eyes, and contact between us alone told me everything he was wanting to ask me; if I was okay. A simple nod told him that he could let go of me, and go sit in his own chair.

 

Clay exhaled deeply and looked up at me again, opening his mouth and hesitating for just a few seconds before finding his words. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Felix; I’m only saying this as reassurance. You could have said something to us. We were right there for you the whole time; Tony and Brad too. We all were and still are there and here for you, okay? Don’t ever not speak up again. I don’t think I could lose you, like I lost Jeff and then Hannah.” His gaze started to drift to the floor, clearly deep in thought about the two events. “I care about you Felix. You can always talk to me, just like Alex. Okay?”

 

I nodded to him, watching Alex stand up and begin to walk away while he verbally excused himself to the bathroom down the hallway. “There’s stuff that happened to me that Alex doesn’t know about. Things that Bryce did that I haven’t told Alex about. He dragged me to one of his parties before the Winter Formal, and.. and I found myself in the hot tub. He got in with me, and he just.. shut me down.” My eyes were fucking welling up with tears again. _God damn it all._ They were spilling out again. _Fuck._ “He just.. forced himself on me. I begged him to stop. I told him no.. I struggled. He didn’t stop.”

 

Clay’s eyes were locked in a dead stare against my body, and his mouth was slightly ajar in shock and disgust at what he heard. “Felix-” He was interrupted by a sob, and before he knew it, I was breaking down again. Clay quickly stood up as I began to fall from my chair, his body kneeling down in front of me and arms lifting me up to stand. Then, before **I** knew it, his arms were around me and he was swaying us both back and forth while uttering words of pure comfort while sounding so socially awkward yet not. Here I was, still hysterically crying, sobbing loudly as Alex could be heard walking back up the hallway; quite quickly might I add.

 

“Clay, what happened?” Clay looked up at Alex, not letting go of my body because he could hear and tell it was calming me down. “He started to have a breakdown, so I just.. stood him up and held him.” Alex rubbed my head from the side, sighing before looking back into Clay’s eyes. “What did you or he say?”

 

Clay knew not to say it; at least, not yet. “Now isn’t the time. We’ll tell you when it’s right. Is that okay, Alex?” Alex nodded, and soon it was just pure silence after the clock struck 5 PM and some odd minutes. “Hey, let’s go to Monet’s for some coffee and food. I heard once that hot chocolate is the cure for all things shitty in life.” He could tell by the sparkle in my eyes that it was a good idea, and he smiled back at me. “That would be really nice Alex. Clay, you wanna come along?” He nodded to us, moving back a little bit. “Yeah. That would be nice.”

 

We got ready to go and locked up the house, piling into my Honda Accord from 2014. It took us all of ten minutes to get to the cafe, and I made extra sure to get my parallel parking perfect this time around; it wasn’t my strong suit. It wasn’t perfect this time either, but close enough right? We entered the cafe to be greeted by the chime of the bell on the door. Clay appeared to be looking around, not seeing Skye anywhere; he even made a comment on it. “Skye always works Tuesdays..” He shook his head and told Alex and I to find a table while he ordered our drinks. Hot chocolate for myself and Alex, and a slow-drip coffee for Clay.

 

He met us at the table, a concerned look on his face. “Skye apparently never showed for work today. She wasn’t at school either. Hate to say it after this eventful day, but I’m worried about her.” Alex looked at him and then took a sip of his hot chocolate. “Have some coffee, relax. I’m sure she’s alright.” With a shrug of his shoulders, Clay hesitantly resolved to let the issue go for the time being, taking a small sip of his coffee. Conversation flowed through all three of us and before we knew it, half an hour had passed us by. Clay was in the middle of talking about his mother’s crazy behaviors during the tapes from Hannah, and he was interrupted with _a phone call with the generic ringtone, the one he’d set for numbers not yet saved._

 

_“Hello? … Skye, hold on; what’s- … Put it down, Skye. Alex, Felix and I are coming, okay? … Skye, we’re coming.” Alex gave Clay a concerned look as the phone call went on, soon sharing that same gaze with me before we both stared back at Clay. “Clay, what’s going on?” Clay looked up into Alex’s eyes, looking scared shitless. “Skye said she was on the cliff where Tony and I went to listen to my tape. She wants to shoot herself and jump off. We-” He swallowed his own spit, growing into a bit of a panic. “We have to go, now.”_

 

_Without another second to waste, I grabbed my keys and we all ran outside, jumping into my car. Once buckled, I turned on my hazard lights and started speeding down the roads while carefully following Clay’s directions to me. Once we had arrived a good twenty minutes later, we quickly exited the vehicle and started running up the way to find where Skye was; she was nowhere to be seen. Clay was frozen in his place, looking down at a small spot of flat land just over the edge of the cliff. Alex and I noticed his gaze looking down and joined him, my hands clasping over my mouth and Alex jaw dropped in shock. There was Skye, blood surrounding her chest and the gun nowhere to be found; she wasn’t moving._

 

_Clay scrambled to grab his phone from his pocket, dialing 9-1-1 and starting to shake all over. The call was quick; there was a girl who looked to be dead from a wound to the chest, and soon Clay was off the phone and telling us that an ambulance was on the way. He was fidgety; pacing back and forth while he waiting anxiously, paying no attention to neither Alex or myself. The sirens could be heard getting closer and closer; finally they were in front of us, flashing brightly in our faces._

 

_The paramedics piled out and rushed over, being careful about getting Skye up onto safer ground, inspecting her body. They checked for a pulse everywhere, looking horrifically somber as they made eye contact with Clay. “I’m sorry son; there’s nothing you can do. She’s already gone.”_

 

“Clay!” I snapped back into reality, Alex having been waving his hand in my face for a good moment or two before I realized what was going on; that I had just had a horrifying scenario play out in my head that she’d actually killed herself. “I’m sorry. What?” Alex sighed and turned Clay’s head to face the counter, making him see that Skye had finally arrived to help clean up for the night. A smile formed over Clay’s lips, a sigh of relief leaving them and the last of the coffee moving past them. “Thank god. Sorry about that. I just kinda.. spaced out there and got lost in thought, Alex.” Alex just shrugged it off as nothing too important, taking another sip of his hot chocolate whereas mine was long past gone.

 

We were all planning to leave soon, when Clay told us to hang back because he wanted to talk with Skye. He headed to the counter to catch her before she went to the kitchen, calling her name. “Hey, Skye.” Once he had her attention turned to his direction, he sighed. “Hang back a few? I wanna talk with you before you leave.” She gave him a perplexed look but eventually agreed to his request, heading into the kitchen to help fulfill her end of the bargain to help clean up after the rush that had ended just shortly before we’d all arrived.

 

**Clay’s Point of View**

 

Finally it was over, and Skye and I could have our talk. She saw me sitting at one of the tables at the far corner of the cafe, waiting for her, and she slowly joined me. “Skye, where were you today? You never showed for school.. and you were late to work today.” She cocked an eyebrow at me, giving me an absolutely floored look. “Are you my parent now? I don’t have to tell you where I am or why I was late somewhere, Clay.” I sighed deeply and turned my head to look out of the window beside us, mulling over my thoughts very carefully before looking back at her. “What’s going on Skye? You’ve been really scarce lately, and it’s worrying me.”

 

Finally, she gave me an answer.. but it wasn’t what I would have ever wanted to hear. “I’m just getting things in order.” I knew those words. I said them to Porter when talking to him and detailing Hannah’s last day alive. All I knew was that my blood was running cold and slow through my body, because I knew what she meant. I wanted to beg her not to, but my mouth wouldn’t open. “I guess there’s nothing left to say.” She stood up out of the chair and started to walk away. _Damn it! Say something._ I couldn’t. My lips wouldn’t move and my body was just frozen. Then she said something to me that really set it all in stone for me, as if it hadn’t have been already. “Stay safe, Clay.”

 

The bell rang as the door opened and then shut behind her, and my body still refused to move. I could hear footsteps shuffling toward me, familiar voices talking to me; I couldn’t tell what they were saying to me. All I could think about was that Skye wanted to kill herself, but being reminded of Hannah’s death and Felix’s attempted suicide only shut me down when she brought about the thought of wanting to end her own. I couldn’t say anything to beg her not to, I couldn’t move to grab her wrist and stop her from walking away. In this moment, I was useless, and Skye was soon going to be gone.

 

Slowly, the sounds were growing ever duller in my ears; heavily muffled. My eyes were welling up with tears and overflowing with them; at that same moment, I felt hands on my body, shaking me. I was sinking, and unable to claw out of it; I felt my world just slipping away, everything out of my control. One thing however, drew me from my trance; it was Alex’s hand slapping me right across my left cheek, reddening it over the course of a few seconds and forcing me to grab it in pain.

 

Finally they had my attention, and Alex made good use of it. “Clay, what the fuck is going on? What’s wrong with you?” I felt the tears immediately come back in full force, my eyes closing as I drew out the words. “Skye wants to kill herself. She-” I looked away and sobbed, wiping my eyes to try and see straight again. “She said the same thing I told Porter when I told him about Hannah’s last day alive. That she was gone today trying to “get things in order”. I just.. It made me think of Hannah’s death and Felix attempting to take his own, and I just shut down.”

 

Alex was floored, Felix already running out of the door to the cafe to try and find Skye; naturally, she was already long gone from the area. None of us knew where she lived; not even the cafe employees knew where she lived. Only the manager knew, and none of us even knew who the fuck **that** was. Finally, Alex pulled up a chair and sat in front of me at the angle, looking into my eyes. “I want to be so furious with you for not doing anything Clay, but..” He sighed out. “I can’t, because you heard me explain how I reacted when I saw Felix that night.” He brought his arms around my body, holding me tightly while the tears just spilled from my eyes. Sobs forced my body to contract and spasm, my mouth open and my own saliva just stringing out and making Alex’s shirt wet. I couldn’t even make myself care enough to stop it; I was hysterical. Skye was out on a mission to kill herself, and not knowing the first place to look for her, I knew it was over.

 

The final employee was, an hour later, trying to get us out; I didn’t want to move. Rather, I couldn’t **make** myself move; it was just too hard. It felt like weights were attached to my ankles and keeping me glued to the chair. Felix and Alex finally pulled me up out of my chair, dragging me out of the door of the cafe so the employees could close up shop. Alex could see I was still struggling with the reality I was facing, and finally pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text. To who, I don’t know; I couldn’t make myself care enough to glance over and look. We all stood leaning against the brick wall behind us, waiting for something, as they never tried to make me get into the car. After half an hour had passed, Tony’s car approached us and parked in front of Felix’s own. He got out of the car and immediately was in front of me, holding me in his arms.. which was a bit awkward given his height in comparison to my own.

 

I didn’t move or say anything, eyes just blankly staring in front of me; they were just.. dead inside. **I** was dead inside. “Clay, it’s already ten o’clock. We have to get you home.” Finally, I spoke, but it was almost too mumbled to be understood. “I want to find Skye.” Tony pulled out of the hug and looked at me in shock, soon nodding his head and looking to Alex and Felix. “You two head on home. I’ll take care of him.”

 

Immediately, Alex gave a protest that for once, Felix agreed with. “No way, Tony. We’re not going home until this is all over.” Tony was about to argue, but decided against it as even though I clearly wouldn’t have cared, that it wouldn’t be healthy for me to have to listen to that. “Okay. Get in my car. I know where she lives.”

 

We all piled into Tony’s car after Alex forced me into the passenger seat up front. Tony played some of his cassette tapes while he drove, and soon we pulled up on the side of the road in front of a small house fit for.. one. Alex mumbled for a moment, greeted with Tony’s words. “She lives alone.” He paused for a moment, getting out of the car and sighing. “Come on.”

 

After being forced out of the car and up to the door, we found ourselves standing in front of the one thing standing between what could either be a dead end or the moment of truth. Tony was shocked to see the front door was left slightly ajar, and he pushed it open with his fingers; his ears were immediately greeted with the creak of the door and.. that was it. There was just silence in this house; that was scary. Then again, it wasn’t like I could tell; everything from my sight to my hearing was just a blur for me at this point. Tony led us down the hall and finally peered into what appeared to be a bedroom, Skye sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the floor.

 

She looked up to see us all standing in the hall, sighing out and raising her hands up, immediately letting them fall out of irritation. “So what, now you guys just have the right to barge into my house, too? Thanks Tony; now they know where I live.” Alex scowled at her, stepping forward to be at the front of us four. “I had no choice but to involve Tony, who chose to bring us here. When you told Clay that you hadn’t shown up anywhere today because you were “trying to get things in order”, he just shut down. Why do you think he didn’t follow you when you left? You walked right out of Monet’s, and he’s been a fucking shell ever since, Skye!” He started advancing toward her, a fire in him that Felix hadn’t seen in him in all his time of knowing him. “We know what you want to do, and we feel bad for you, but you can’t get frustrated with Clay for not following you out of that cafe when you know how hard he was impacted by not only Felix, but Hannah too; for not saying anything.”

 

Skye looked at me; I could hardly tell, but she did; I could feel her gaze on me. “You’re joking, right?” Alex shook his head at her, stepping aside and forcing Felix to do the same, so she was forced to see me in my entirety. “Does this look like I’m fucking joking, Skye? Do you want this to get even worse?” She, for the first time in all our time of knowing her, started to just.. grow smaller. “No, I-” Alex put his hand up to signal her to shut up, and she did. “He’s been so fucking worried about you; we all were. Skye, we’re here to help, but you have to talk to us. You know we’ll all listen and that we’ll all help, but you have to fucking talk to us.”

 

Skye didn’t answer, but I could hear the bed creak and footsteps grow closer to me. Eventually, her slit wrists and arms were around me, pulling me close. “I’m sorry, Clay.” That finally snapped me back in; I could feel her in my arms, alive and with a beating heart against my chest. I started to tear up, wrapping my arms back around her body and encasing her in warmth and security. She immediately sank into my hold, her eyes welling up with tears as she started to take in just what had happened to me when she said what she had earlier at Monet’s, and she started sobbing. “I’m so scared, Clay. My parents ditched me, I’m losing everybody else. I just-” I shut her up immediately with my own words, holding the back her head with one of my hands. “You have us, Skye, and we’re not going anywhere. I promise.”

 

Tony was happy to see me back to my usual self, and before long, everyone was. Skye had calmed down enough to fall asleep in her bed, and we took that as our cue to leave. Tony locked Skye’s front door behind us all as he shut it, and we all piled into his car to head back to Monet’s. Felix and Alex agreed to go their separate way and Tony to take me home.

 

“Clay, you don’t have a thing for goth-girl, do you?” If I’d been drinking anything, I would have spit it out at that. “What? You’re kidding, right?” Tony shook his head a bit, chuckling at my reaction. “You got really bad off tonight, Clay. That’s why I asked.” I nodded, leaning my head back against the headrest. “I know. I just.. When she told me what she did, that she hadn’t been anywhere today because she had been “trying to get things in order”, everything about Hannah came flooding back. When I remembered that, everything about her and Felix just came in at once. I just.. shut down. I couldn’t handle it, Tony.. the thought of losing her too. She’s one of my other really good friends, and when she said that.. When she said that, I knew what she wanted to do, and everything just started to sink for me.”

 

Tony nodded his head and looked out at the road in front of him, glancing over at me as he saw my hands move to get my phone from my pocket. I shot my mother a text, to ensure her everything was fine. As per her requests this past week, I told her that Skye had a suicide scare and I couldn’t get to my phone, but that we’d managed to calm her down; I made sure to tell her that yes, everything was fine, and that Tony was in the process of bringing me home and that I’d be there at most within ten more minutes. “I couldn’t help it. I just.. I don’t want to lose someone else to suicide; at least not yet. I’m not ready for that.”

 

Immediately, Tony was pulling the car off to the side of the road. I was about to question why, but then I realized that we were in front of my house. “Clay, you’re not ever going to be ready to lose someone, much less to suicide, but you can’t just say you don’t want to because you’re not ready yet. You’ve got to put on your big guy pants and deal with it head on. I know it’s sensitive for you right now, but you have to understand that life won’t wait for you to be ready. You understand, right?” I nodded my head to him, looking at my feet before cursing to myself. “Shit. I forgot my bag in Felix’s car.” Tony looked as if he was about to say something, but I shook my head to cut him off since he was looking right at me. “Don’t worry about it; I’ll have them bring it to me in the morning before class. I’ll see you later Tony.”

 

Tony pulled away after I’d gotten out of the car safely, and I turned around to walk into my house. Soon as I had closed the door behind me, mom came rushing to me and embraced me, holding the back of my head with her hand. “Oh, Clay. I got your text. Honey, are you okay?” I nodded after pulling out of the hug, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Yeah; I’m okay mom. I’m just.. **really** tired.” I went to go upstairs to my room, and stopped about halfway up. “It’s kinda meaningless, but I forgot my bookbag with Felix and Alex, so don’t stop me if you see me without it in the morning. I’m texting them to bring it to school for me.” She nodded to me, giving me a bright ‘good night’ as I made my way up the rest of the stairs and into my room.

 

I took my shoes off while removing my jacket, just throwing them on the floor with my shirt and pants once those were gone too. I sat on my bed and placed myself under my covers, closing my eyes and sinking into the comfort of my mattress, grabbing my phone from the nightstand and texting Alex. ‘Hey. I accidentally left my bag in Felix’s car. Make sure to bring it to me in the morning for school.’ A couple of minutes later, I got the familiar ‘whoosh’ sound effect of an incoming text message, glancing back to my screen. ‘got it. felix and I are headed to sleep. Night clay’. I locked my phone and put it back on the stand, closing my eyes and slowly drifting away.


	2. Chapter Two

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

My eyes slowly opened as I heard the alarm blaring from my phone, voice groaning out as I dreaded having to get out of bed for school. Alex wasn’t beside me, but I figured he’d gotten up a bit earlier to get ready for school, so I decided to ignore it. I turned to my dressed to get out a pair of dark blue distressed skinny jeans, a long sleeved black shirt and some socks to wear. I started to strip out of the clothes I’d worn to sleep, only to find Alex now holding me from behind. “Alex, please; I have to get ready for school~” He hesitantly let me go, letting me get dressed while he sat on the futon watching the TV, turning to me once I was done. “It.. looks good, right?” He nodded to me, getting up and walking to me to kiss my lips gently. “It looks absolutely wonderful on you. Now hurry up and let’s go; we’ve gotta leave now if we want to get to school on time.”

 

Alex and I locked up the house with our bags and Clay’s in tow, getting into my car and driving away. Once we got to the school grounds, Alex cursed to himself and looked to me. “Listen, I’ll catch you after first period like usual. I just remembered that I have to drop by the office before class.” I waved to him as he rushed away with Clay’s bag, my own feet walking at a slower pace.

 

I was “cat-called” by Monte, which I decided to ignore; I didn’t need the headache right now. I started to walk a bit faster, but suddenly his hands were on my shoulders. “Hey there Felix. What’s up, my man?” I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from him, clearly a bit uncomfortable around him. He smiled, gesturing to his “group”, if you could even call it that: Justin and Zach, before talking to me again. “Listen, we gotta talk to you about something, so you’re gonna come with us and not say shit about it. Understand?”

 

I found myself being dragged away as the bell sounded out to my left, and soon we were behind the gym building. Justin shoved a brown paper bag into my hands, and it was heavy as shit. “Listen to me; you’re either gonna drink this entire bottle, or you’re getting your ass beat. Your choice. Just know that if you don’t drink this, we’ll fuck you up.. but you can drink it and leave soon as you’re finished. No questions asked. We know you fucking talk to Clay and Alex, and we know how the fuck to get to you. We’ve got all the dirt on you we need, so why don’t you just do yourself a favor right now, buddy?”

 

I was thinking of a way out; something, anything.. and there wasn’t anything I could do to get out of it but drink. I didn’t want to though.. and I was about to try and make a run for it, but before I could, Justin dropped the paper bag and unscrewed the bottle, my eyes clenching shut as the first bit of alcohol hit my tongue. I tried to pull my head away from the bottle, the taste smothering my mouth and the burn coating my throat, but he stood with the bottle tipped at my mouth and forcing every drop of that disgusting liquid into my mouth. I wanted to choke and gag, but nothing stopped him from forcing me to drink. What felt like an eternity later but was only just shy of a moment, the entire bottle was empty and I wanted to scream.

 

Monte and Justin let me go, and I let my feet carry me as far away from them as possible. It was a good ten minute walk from the gym to the school itself, so I had to hurry the fuck up if I didn’t want to get called out by the French teacher for being late. By the time I was at the school, my feet were starting to stumble over the ground and each other, and my head felt like it was both spinning and burning at once. I placed a hand on the bricks, leaning forward and hoping to regain my composure. I was so fucking shit-faced now, and who knows what the fuck Alex would say once he found out; he knows I don’t drink before school, or at all.

 

My chest started heaving, and I felt like I was getting sick. My head was spinning, and I was trying to find my way up the steps to get inside; I had to get to the bathroom before I fucking threw up all over the concrete. I tried to force myself up, but it wasn’t going well at all; my feet stumbled and I fell back onto the stair-railing, voice whimpering out as I held my hand over my stomach. Finally, I managed to stumble forward to the grass, vomit spilling out onto it instead of the concrete. I whined after I had stopped, my knees nearly buckling underneath me.

 

Jessica found me standing there, sick as shit and drunk as fuck, her hands placing themselves onto my shoulders to stand me up. “Alright, Felix; you need to sit down. I’m texting Alex right now; you can’t be here.” She pulled her phone out and texted Alex, telling him to come out to the front of the school ASAP, her hands soon moving me gently to sit down against the wall.

 

Alex showed up after about ten minutes, his eyes locking with Jessica’s. “Jess, what are you-” She sighed and looked down at me, shaking her head. “I was running late to school and was too far away to stop them, but Justin and Monte dragged him off by the gym and forced him to drink the entire bottle of alcohol, from the looks of it. He’s really drunk; you should take him home.” Before Alex could say a remark about what happened, she cut in. “I’ll go to the office and tell the secretary that you had to leave for the day. I may have hurt you, but I’m not a total bitch.” Alex smiled for just a second, nodding his head. “Thanks Jess. I’ll let you know how he’s doing later.”

 

I couldn’t tell what was going on – I just remember feeling like my feet were moving, and then suddenly my body being thrown into what felt like a still motion. When I was being dragged out of what appeared to be my car, I realized what I was feeling and then soon found myself being dragged into the house Alex and I shared.

 

I couldn’t recall anything, but could see that he was taking me to bed. “Oh, so you want some of this already? Goodness Alex, all you had to do was ask.~” My voice slurred out heavily, Alex chuckling emptily and lying my down. “No, I’m putting you to bed and staying here to take care of you. You’re drunk, Felix. I’m going to grab you some bread and water, and I want you to consume both of them before you fall asleep. You need it, otherwise your hangover will be even worse than it’s already going to be.” I reluctantly followed his instructions once he returned with said items, and pretty soon after my head was on the pillow and I was conked out.

 

I woke up some odd hours later, head feeling heavy and my mouth and throat pretty dry. Alex was beside me watching some TV, and he turned his head to look at me. “Well, looks like Prince Charming finally woke himself up.” He smirked at me and kissed my forehead, not quite ready to endure the lingering taste of alcohol that was quite possibly still coating the inside of my mouth. “Do you even remember what happened earlier?”  
  
Shaking my head, I cocked an eyebrow up in slight confusion. “Not in the slightest, Alex. I barely even remember anything past seeing Justin and Monte this morning.” Alex laughed to himself, ruffling my hair up a little bit. “Apparently Justin and Monte forced you to down an entire forty ounce this morning. Jess said she saw it from a distance but was too far away to stop them.” I sighed, holding my head a little bit and scrunching my eyebrows together. “Well, now I know why my head’s hurting so bad.. Could you get me some water? In a bigger glass too. I’m really fucking thirsty.” Alex laughed, putting his face closer to mine. “Oh, I know. You were so drunk that you saw me taking you to bed, and said that if I wanted you that much, all I had to do was ask first.” _Oh god, I really said that? Jesus_ _C_ _hrist, that’s embarrassing as all fuck._ Clearly the embarrassment showed on my face, because Alex laughed even more at that.

 

He got up from the bed and retrieved my water for me in a much bigger glass, and he was astonished when I nearly downed all but about a third of it. “Jesus, you weren’t kidding. How do you feel now, Felix?” I shrugged, looking stretching my arms above my head. “Well, I feel a little better now. My headache is still pretty bad, but other than that I’m fine. It gave me an excuse to take a little bit of a nap after all of that shit yesterday.” Alex nodded, eyes wide for just a second. “Yeah, agreed.”

 

I sat thinking to myself for a moment, in complete silence after our small talk, before looking to Alex and sighing. “I’m going out for a walk. I’ll have my phone with me. I just want some time to myself for a while. I’ll call you if I need anything.” Alex reluctantly let me go, watching me walk out the door. When I set foot outside, I had to remember it was only just after one in the afternoon, the fall weather washing over me and filling me with a sense of peace and serenity.

 

I let my feet start carrying me away, eyes watching the sidewalk to see where my footsteps would land. I didn’t hear anybody in front of or behind me; I guess maybe I just wasn’t paying too much attention. After a couple of moments, I heard footsteps behind me. When I’d turn around, there wasn’t anybody there; I just figured it was someone turning down another street from behind me, so I ignored it. It kept happening as the moments passed, and I pulled my phone out to call Alex; I was getting anxious.

 

When he answered, I was relieved. “Hey. … Oh, nothing. I just felt like someone was following me, so I decided to call. Maybe if someone is following me, they’ll leave me alone if I’m on the phone.” I chuckled at that last comment, his voice sounding concerned on the other end. “Alex, I’m fine. You know I always have my pocketknife on me.” I turned my head, looking behind me again to assure myself nobody was there; luckily I was right. I found the Blue Spot Liquor Store, and decided that would be my refuge. Maybe get some chocolate while I was there. “I know what I am gonna do though; hop into the Blue Spot for some chocolate. I haven’t had any in a while. You want anyth-”

 

I was cut off by the feeling of hands grabbing my arms, the sudden feeling catching me off guard and shocking me enough to accidentally drop my phone on the sidewalk. I yelled out, flailing my body about to hopefully get this mysterious person to let go of me, but they were persistent to say the least. They pulled something out of their pocket. I couldn’t see what it was, but soon I realized that it was a rag. It had something on it, because when it was stuffed over my mouth, my yells were muffled into almost drugged-out mumbles. I wasn’t able to keep flailing around anymore, my body very quickly too tired to move; before long, my eyes were shut and I felt myself slip into a slumber once again.

 

**Alex’s Point of View**

 

I was about to answer Felix’s question, since I already could tell what he was asking, but when I heard his voice grow distant into a yelp of surprise and then struggle, I grew concerned. “Felix? Felix, answer me!” I waited.. and I waited, and soon the line went dead after it sounded like someone picked up the phone. I grew extremely anxious, hanging up and dialing my father’s number. I had to do something, and do it quick.

 

I tapped my fingers on my knee anxiously while I waited for him to answer, and thankfully enough he did. “Dad, I need you to get a squad out. … Felix went out for a walk with his pocketknife and phone with him, and he called me a few minutes ago. He said he felt like someone was following him, and that if he was being followed and was on the phone, they’d leave him alone. He was about to go into the Blue Spot Liquor Store and then I heard him on the other end, struggling with someone. The line went dead a couple of minutes ago, and I’m scared something happened. … Thanks dad. I’ll be ready when you get here.”

 

After about fifteen minutes, my dad arrived and ushered me out into the passenger seat of his cop car, a couple more behind him with their lights on. He turned his own on and sped off, eyes glancing over at me momentarily – he could tell I was worried, panicking and anxious, all at the same time. He put his hand on my shoulder while he drove, sighing. “It’ll be alright, Alex. We’ll find him – I promise.” I hoped he was right.

 

After getting near the liquor store, we tried asking bystanders if they noticed anything unusual within the last hour – nobody had, because they weren’t around. We tried asking Wally in the store, and he didn’t see anything from inside. I sighed, a sick feeling growing in the pit on my stomach. “Dad, there’s got to be something else. Can’t cops track phones?” After giving me confirmation, I gave Felix’s number to my dad; unfortunately, after we piled back into the car, it led us to Monet’s. We went inside, to find Sky there; we asked her if she knew anything, and turns out she didn’t.

 

My eyes were welling up with tears; I was getting sick knowing I couldn’t find him. Dad must have noticed, because he turned to me and embraced me tightly, putting his hand on top of my head. “Alex, I’m taking you home for the night. Get some rest; we’ll keep this up as long as we have to. I’m not stopping until I find him for you, son.” I nodded my head, stepping away from him before watching him start to walk. I sluggishly followed him, eyes blankly staring at the floor before I found myself outside and then in the car.

 

I wasn’t gone, but I wasn’t entirely “there” either. All my mind could focus on was Felix; finding him, finding him _safe_. That’s all I could think about, and all I could even care about at that point in time. After dad dropped me off, I got inside and sat on the couch. I pulled out my phone, sighing to myself and calling Felix’s number, hoping that maybe somebody would answer; nothing. I knew there was nothing I could do now but sit and wait, and it made me sick. I managed to drag myself to bed, with it now being quarter to four; all I wanted now was to sleep until I heard anything.

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

I felt my eyes slowly open; I had no idea where I was. All I could tell was that my wrists were tied together in front of me, ankles tied together behind me, and my shoes were gone; I guess whoever took me remembered that shoes are useful in these situations. My pocketknife is gone too, for sure.. and then I hear the sound of a disgustingly familiar voice. “Well, looks like you’re awake. I knew if I had Justie bring you to me, I wouldn’t get in trouble right away.” Bryce fucking Walker. How? I moved my lips to speak and felt my voice rasp out, realizing I hadn’t had anything to drink since I had awoken from my nap earlier at home. “Th- The fuck are you doing here? I thought you were arrested.”   
  
Bryce laughed at me, tapping my knees with his shoe. “House arrest. Did you seriously think they would put me in jail without solid evidence? There wasn’t even an eye witness who would testify to the situation. I mean.. who’s going to believe a dead girl? I also knew that you wouldn’t speak of what I did to you anyhow. You’re too weak. Look at you now; you couldn’t even get away from Justie.” I scrunched my eyebrows, swallowing whatever little saliva was in my mouth to get at least some relief for my thirst. “Justie? Who the-” “Justin. Y’know.. Foley? Did you seriously think anybody else would do it?” I was about to ask for my phone, and I guess he saw that coming because he addressed it before I could. “I had Justin do me the favor of breaking your phone and throwing the remains away. I couldn’t leave such an easy trail to find you, now could I?”

 

I cursed mentally, eyes now looking up at Bryce’s face. “Are they asking about me yet?” He laughed again, looking at the door before making eye contact with me again. “That’s all I’ve been hearing on the news for the past six hours. They won’t shut up about it. Your boyfriend’s got his dick all twisted up about you too. Rather pathetic if you ask me. He should at least have some self respect and keep his cool on camera. I mean.. you never know who’s watching.”

 

I heard the faint sound of a door outside, my eyes glancing at the one that bared entrance to this very room. Before I knew it, I was lying there making dead eye contact with the very person Bryce said took me away – Justin. “I was honestly hoping you’d put up more of a fight. That was a piece of cake, Felix. At least tone yourself up if you ever get out of here. You don’t want this to happen again, do you?” I could almost spit at the both of them now, but there wasn’t enough spit in my mouth to do so. I swallowed it all again, my throat extremely dry by now. “Oh right; you must be rather thirsty. Justie, you want to take care of that or should I?”

 

At first I thought they were about to grab me some water, but what I got was worse; _far_ worse. Justin bent down behind me and held my head still while Bryce unzipped his pants in front of me; my eyes went wide and I tried to get my head away, but Justin had a death grip on my head. Tears welled up in my eyes as Bryce shoved his cock in my mouth, to the very opening of my throat, and I gagged. It caught me off guard and I could feel myself growing smaller and smaller as the seconds passed by in what felt like a fucking eternity.

 

He was orally raping me. Utterly humiliating me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it or slow it down. It took him a couple of minutes at my own estimation to climax down my throat, and I cringed as I forced myself to swallow it down. I had no choice in the matter. Bryce chuckled and ruffled my hair, putting himself back into his pants and zipping up. “Good. You catch on quick. Maybe next time we can trust you to do this without holding your head down.” Justin and Bryce left the room, locking it from the outside and leaving me alone. At this point, I started sobbing uncontrollably, wishing so fucking much that I was back with Alex. Eventually, I fell into a deep slumber, mentally exhausted from what had just happened.

 

I was barely awake when I felt myself being moved around, voice mumbling. What was happening? I could vaguely make out some male voice that sounded familiar yet so distant, telling me that they “would take care of me”. I couldn’t decipher who it was; everything looked, felt and sounded so fucking foggy and distant. Somewhere within this fucked up state I was in, I could tell I wasn’t all there. Soon, I was placed down on what I assumed to be a bed, taking comfort in the fact that I could safely assume I was finally in a hospital. I felt a sharp sting in my arm, and within a few moments I slipped out of consciousness again.

 

My same weary state resumed when I was awakened again later on, unable to decipher what exactly was happening around me, but could somehow assume that I was safe. I was fed when I was just waking up, then drugged again to put me back to sleep. I knew somehow that I had been hurt while in captivity, so I had to vaguely guess this was medication to help numb the pain I was; the pain I wasn’t even aware I was feeling.

 

I couldn’t gather any recollection of anything when I would keep waking up like this, just that I was being fed and sometimes probed around inside of from somewhere on my body. It was completely impossible for me to tell what was happening, who was touching me where. Sometimes, lights came on that appeared somewhat dull to me; nothing as bright as a hospital room.. but considering how out of it I was, there was no way to say for sure that I wasn’t inside of one; I had to assume that I was for sure, positively, one hundred percent inside of a hospital room, safe and sound. That same sharp sting in my arm that slowly began to just feel like a prick made itself familiar to me again, and just like that I was out cold again.

 

I didn’t realize it, but entire weeks went by like this; six, to be exact. They told me every day how long it had been, and that was one of the only things to remain in my memory when I would awaken, weary and completely out of it. Today when I woke up, something was different. Nobody was there to greet me like they usually were, and I was scared and confused as my awareness was fading in and out. Just when I was beginning to see my surroundings, which wasn’t long enough to tell where I was for sure, I was knocked out by this same medication again.

 

I woke up again, weary and confused. I made disoriented eye contact with the man in the room, asking if I was going to be okay. His voice sounded distorted in my own mind, saying that I would be perfectly fine. I felt the drug wearing off of me, and my awareness was slowly coming back to me. I looked around the room, seeing bricks around me and concrete beneath me. I felt confusion and shock fill my entire being at once, eyes darting around to finally see that what I had felt was a hospital bracelet was the chains binding my wrists together in front of me. What I felt were socks were the chains binding my ankles together behind me. The man who had been speaking to me was none other than Bryce Walker.

 

I was sure he could see the look of sheer panic and terror on my face, because he looked at me and fucking laughed at me. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, realizing I was still being held here against my will. That I wasn’t in a hospital, safe and sound. Without even thinking about what I was saying, I asked him one thing in particular. “How long are you going to fucking keep me here?” He laughed at me again, pushing at my stomach with his shoes. “As long as it takes for those stupid-as-fuck policemen to realize you’re here.” Somehow, I could decipher that as him telling me they would never find me, and at this moment in time, I could believe that to be the truth. I’d been here for at least two months now, and clearly no signs had pointed to my being here or the cops would have shown up to investigate this place.

 

Bryce stood up, looking into my eyes as his hand placed itself on the doorknob. “Don’t let me hear you make a single sound. We’ve almost run out of that shit that kept knocking you the fuck out, so we can’t use it so recklessly anymore. We’re not about to waste the last of it all, so consider yourself lucky. You only get to have half a dose instead.” He turned back around, taking the needle and syringe out and kneeling down in front of me. Of course, I struggled like a motherfucker, but he pressed on a pressure point that made me lay still while he injected that shit into my arm. He walked right out of the room, and I was then greeted with that same feeling of fogginess and weariness, but not enough to knock me out.

 

**Bryce’s Point of View**

 

I went out to the building out back of the pool to sit with Justin on the couch, grabbing a beer on the way for both he and I. I sighed, looking into his eyes. “They found the guy who sold us that shit. They might show up here, Justin.” He held up his beer to offer a toast with Justin, closing his eyes. “It was good while it lasted. We had fun with it, for sure.” We clanged our bottles together and drank to it, my head leaning back and looking up at the ceiling. “We may as well go wait in the fucking house; I doubt they’ll waste their time at this point.”

 

With that, Justin and Bryce made their way to the house, only to find the police had already parked outside of the house. I led us inside and went to the front door to open it; there stood Officer Standall, and I sighed and held my hands up; I knew what was coming. “Get on the ground, hands behind your backs; now!” Justin and I were shoved onto the ground, several police officers running inside and surrounding us while two handcuffed each of us. “Where are the drugs? Tell us where they are, now!” I reluctantly told them where it was stashed, knowing they would find Felix as well.

 

**Felix’s Point of View**

 

I could faintly hear the sounds of yelling, but it was hard to tell who it was; for all I knew, it could have been Bryce and Justin fucking around with each other again, play-fighting with each other. I heard faint footsteps headed toward the room, but couldn’t decipher if they were stopping there or passing by. A creak sounded out and I looked up, but had no idea who I was looking at. In my foggy state, I could swear I was looking up at Bryce and Justin. After a moment, I felt the heaviness release from my wrists and ankles, and my body felt light, as if I was being moved. Finally, nothing but pure exhaustion was taking its toll on me, and I faded off into a deep slumber.

 

I woke up later, my mind in a haze and body heavy; I could hardly move comfortably, or at all. I opened my eyes to look around the room, immediately shutting them again as the lights in the room caught me off guard. Like the last time, I asked out if I was going to be okay, and then some man told me that I would be, that they would take care of me. I didn’t really respond to it, because I’d grown used to hearing that over my time in captivity.

 

I felt my weariness begin to fade and my awareness come to me again, and I opened my eyes again to see bright lights in a warm and pastel colored room, a bed beneath me and warm blankets over my hips, legs and feet. I looked around, seeing a machine hooked to me that beeped several times each minute. I was surprised to say the least, and I looked up at the man in the room to see that it wasn’t Bryce _or_ Justin. “Where am I?” He smiled at me, rubbing my head with his hand very gently and making direct eye contact with me. “You’re in the hospital. You were brought you here very late last night, and it’s about nine in the morning.”

 

I blinked my eyes a couple of times in my state of taking in what I’d just heard, shifting in bed before wincing and cringing heavily. “Hey, hey; don’t move, alright? You’ve got some broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. You need to stay still unless we tell you otherwise, alright?” He spoke very gently, unlike what I’d heard for the past couple of months. I nodded my head, lying my head back against the pillow as I moved my eyes to look at how bland the walls were, how there weren’t any decorative items that I could say would make the room my own until I left.

 

About an hour later, I was met face to face with Officer Standall, my eyes blinking and head moving to face him. “Hello sir.” He smiled at me, closing the door behind the doctor after he left the room and taking a seat in the chair by my bed. “How are you feeling?” I moved my head around to stretch my neck out, sighing a bit. “I’m alright. I’m.. still getting used to.. this.” He nodded in agreement, my eyes darting around a bit before making contact with his own again. “Does Alex know I’m here yet?” “He does. He’ll be coming in a little while with Clay Jensen. He said he was gathering some things from home and then picking Clay up on the way.” Just then it occurred to me that I didn’t even really know what day it was, because I wasn’t greeted with the realization until he’d mentioned where Clay or Alex were. “What.. day is it?” “It’s Sunday, Felix.”

 

I nodded, and there was a long pause before Officer Standall began to speak again. “Alex hasn’t shut up about you at all this entire time. He was up all night a lot of these days, by his phone, because he was hoping I’d call with news about you. I.. hate to tell you this, but had we not figured out Bryce and Justin were storing illegal drugs at the Walker residence, we wouldn’t have found you. That was the only reason we showed up there, Felix.” I sighed, looking in the direction of my covered feet. “Really? I.. had no idea. I don’t know how long it was, but I was pretty out of it for the longest time until this morning.”

 

He nodded to me, crossing his ankles and shifting his position in the chair. “That was the drugs they were holding in his house. It basically dulls your awareness to the point that you can sometimes even hallucinate or begin to think things relative to what you’re associating your feelings or surroundings with. For example, if someone gave you that drug and you could vaguely feel you were being moved, placed somewhere and a light was above you, you could easily think in that state that you were say, here in a hospital, or at home.” I nodded, watching him pull out his phone and send a short text message before looking back up at me. “Alex just texted me and said that he and Clay were just entering the hospital. I’m going to go before I see it fit to embarrass Alex while he’s here.” He smiled, and I for just a second smiled back, before he walked out of the room and stood outside.

 

After a few minutes, I heard a couple of people talking to someone outside of my room, and then the door opened. My eyes welled up with tears when I found myself staring directly at Alex and Clay, a smile on my face as I felt relief and comfort in just their presence alone. Clay pulled up another chair beside the bed while Alex gave me a gentle hug, being careful to avoid my injuries. “Felix, I’m.. so glad to see you again.” I nodded, looking to Clay as he sat down and then back to Alex. “I am too. I’m glad to see _both of you_ again.”

 

Clay looked down to my torso and then up to my shoulder, cocking an eyebrow in response. “What happened?” “I’ve got a couple of broken ribs, and my shoulder is dislocated. Basically, unless the doctors tell me to, I’m not allowed to move. I don’t want to anyway – it hurts too much.” Clay nodded to me, and then looked as if he’d remembered something. “Oh! Tony, Skye and Brad all said they were going to stop by later this afternoon. They don’t know much about what was going on, other than what’s been said on the news.” I looked at him suspiciously, cocking my head to the said. “And.. what’s been said on the news?” “That you were missing for two months at the Walker residence, and that they found you while carrying out a drug bust. They didn’t really go into detail about the whole thing.” I nodded, thinking for a few seconds before speaking again. “And my parents?” Alex chimed in with the answer, nodding to me. “They’re headed back here from Ohio to come see you later in the week, probably next week. There’s loose ends at work they said needed to be tied up before they could safely drop everything to come, but they’ll be here.”

 

I smiled, lying my head back on the pillow, taking in how comfortable and fluffy it was; it was like my head was lying on a cloud. “Well, I look forward to seeing everyone.” Alex smiled back at me, pulling out a couple of things from his bag. A phone, some clothes should they allow me to wear my own shirts and such at some point, a couple of stuffed animals and a pretty big stack of cards.

 

“I went out and got you a new phone while you were gone; we found out they broke yours the day they took you. In case they let you wear your own shirts or whatever, I brought some for you. Some teddy bears to make you feel at home, and.. all of these were from our classmates at Liberty. They’ve all been worried and wondering about you, and gave these all to me, starting when they found out you’d been taken. Dad had been holding them at the station; they had that as the place to send cards and such while you were gone.”

 

I smiled as I watched him get everything out, my smile growing when he told me about the cards. “That’s so nice of them. Do you know if anybody from school will be coming to see me?” Alex nodded, looking at the cards and then back at me. “Yeah, actually. Although they aren’t at school, Mr. and Mrs. Baker will be stopping by. Mr. Porter said he’d come too when he found out you were okay, so I’ll make sure to let him know tomorrow if he doesn’t show up by then.”

 

I nodded my head, looking to Clay. “How have you been doing Clay?” “I’ve been doing alright, when I wasn’t worried sick about you. Mom and dad send their best to you; they wanted to come see you today too, but are busy with work.” I hummed an understanding sound to him, turning my head to look out of the window on the other side of the room. “I almost forgot what the outside looked like. Honestly, I didn’t know if I’d ever get out. I asked Bryce once.. how long was he going to keep me there. He told me, “As long as it takes for those stupid-as-fuck policemen to realize you’re here”. When he said that to me, I felt that was his way of telling me I’d never be found, and at that point, at that time, I could believe it.”

 

I didn’t realize it at first, but the nurse had returned and I just kept going. “I wasn’t sure if they’d ever find me. I wasn’t even sure if I’d make it out alive; he fed me once a day for those two months. I just kept hoping I’d get to see you again, Alex. That he’d have mercy on me and let me go, but of fucking course, the irony is that the only reason I was found was because of a drug bust.” At this point, I was crying and Clay, Alex and the nurse were all three just baring down on me with a look of shock and sympathy mixed together. “Nothing pointed to me being there; nothing but a pile of drugs they had gotten illegally. Just think, I could still be there if they hadn’t have found out about those fucking drugs.” Alex stood up and held me in whatever way he could without hurting me, hoping to calm me down. I waved him off after a few minutes, my tears having stopped.

 

I looked to the nurse, sighing and looking away out of shame. “I’m.. sorry you came in in the middle of that.” “Don’t apologize, Felix – you’re perfectly fine. It’s only natural you’d need to get these sorts of things off of your chest after that. I’m only a button away if you ever need me while I’m on duty.” He smiled when he saw my lips curl up to form the same, eyes making contact with his own. He asked me a couple of questions about my pain, wrote down some things, and vowed to come back with some medication which, rest assured, would still leave me awake to see and speak with my visitors.

 

The nurse had long since given me my medicine and readjusted my pillows and blankets, taking my number for the pain I was feeling and writing on the board in the room. Shortly after he’d left the room, Clay opened the door from outside and didn’t look inside but spoke. “Skye, Brad and Tony are all here. Are we alright to come in?” I gave them confirmation and watched Clay walk in before the three behind him entered, my eyes making contact with their own one at a time.

 

Tony smiled gently at me, taking a seat by the bed. “Hey Felix. How are you doing?” I said something that I had no idea had been something Clay had said and heard from Jessica at one point, which made him smirk in response. “How the fuck do you think?” I said it with a smart-ass tone to him, half smiling at the boy in front of me with greaser-style hair and a rebel-with-a-cause outfit that suited him wonderfully, his almost preppy boyfriend and goth best friend by his sides. “Fair. I just wanted to check, y’know? We were all worried about you.” He paused for a moment, looking down at his left front pocket before making eye contact with me again. “Jessica sends you her best. She didn’t figure you’d be ready yet to see her after everything that’s gone on with her, but she wanted you to know that she was thinking about you and.. she wanted you to have this.”

 

Tony procured a lovely necklace from his jacket pocket. It was a small, gold and silver chain, with several charms attached; a pink butterfly, a blue fairy, a potion bottle, a crescent moon, a star, an infinity symbol, and in the center was a heart-shaped locket that contained a picture of she, Alex, Clay and I at the rocket slide at the park on the day we all vowed to be there for each other, no matter what. I held it in my hands before having Tony put it on for me, a smile forming across my lips. “Tell her I said thank you, and that I love the necklace; that it’s beautiful.” The Latino male nodded to me, looking at Brad and holding his hand; I guess Brad could tell Tony was still trying to process that I’d gone missing for two months.

 

Skye would hardly even make eye contact with me. I found myself constantly looking to her after Tony and I talked with each other, hoping I’d find her looking just to see me doing the same and look away out of slight embarrassment, but she just kept her head down the entire time. “Skye, how have you been doing?” This forced her to look up at me, but immediately she looked to Clay, Alex, then back at me after receiving a nod from them. “I’ve been.. okay. I mean, they.. yeah, I’ve been okay.” I cocked an eyebrow because of her way of speaking; she never, and I mean _never_ spoke like this in her entire time of knowing me, and according to Clay, in her entire life. “Skye, what the hell? You’re acting weird.”

 

She immediately got this look on her face, that she’d been caught doing something wrong, or maybe it was guilt? It was hard to tell what exactly to call, but it covered her entire face regardless. She sighed, looking to Tony and watching him get up from the chair, only to sit down in his place. “Felix, I didn’t want to tell you to begin with, okay? I- I knew you’d just come back, and I didn’t want to stress you out, y’know? It wasn’t worth it, it wasn’t-” I couldn’t take this out-of-whack behavior from her; it wasn’t Skye at all. “Skye, what the fuck? You’re not acting like “you” anymore. Stop it, please, and tell me what’s going on.”

 

She looked down at her feet, and when her eyes finally made contact with mine for the first time during her visit here, her own eyes were welling up with tears. I stammered incoherently for just a moment, my mouth dropping open just slightly before she began to speak. “When I heard you’d been taken away, I didn’t know what to do. I tried to find out who did it, where they took you. I tried being who I was before Liberty, before Hannah, before you, before Alex, before Tony, before fucking everybody here, and I couldn’t fucking do it. I.. jumped off of the cliff; Tony’s favorite place. I.. was done with everything. Tony apparently was just driving up and he climbed down to get me back up, and the ambulance came after that. Then I was in a behavioral facility for about another week and a half, to get myself grounded again and find myself again. I’m sorry I tried not to tell you.. I just.. I didn’t think you’d be in the right mindset to handle hearing something like that.”

 

I shook my head, reaching out as far as I could and taking her hand in my own. “Skye, don’t apologize. You were just trying to look out for me after all that’s happened to me. That was honestly very considerate of you; thank you.” I sighed, putting my other hand around her own. “Now.. I’m glad to know you’re doing better. Don’t do that to me again, you hear me? You have all of us in this room that fucking care about you, understand? They’re not losing someone else like that, and I’m not losing the first person to it after I nearly did it to myself and somehow survived by the skin of my teeth.” I looked into her eyes, and she nodded to me enthusiastically; I could tell it sank in for her. “Thank you for listening to me, Skye.”


End file.
